To Becky, who in a brief comment, probably written in jest, suggested I start a blog. This blog is simply my thoughts...my life...me... shared in hopes that something I've gone through, think, or feel may in some way help another. So take care when reading or sharing, for I am fragile. I am not implying I am right or wrong.… Continue reading Dedication and Disclaimer
My crazy, manic episode lasted almost a week. Part 1 explained what happens during a "spell", but there's more to it. Most disturbing is that I am not in control of myself. It's as if someone has stepped inside my body and taken over. It feels like I'm on the outside looking in, knowing I'm… Continue reading April Fools, Part 2
It doesn't seem like Easter, but it is. As always, I dread seeing Mom; today especially because the routine is different. No Sunday school. Yesterday we talked on the phone. She wrote a note to remind herself I'd arrive at 10:15 instead of 8:30. Will she remember to look at the note, or will she… Continue reading April Fool’s, Part 1
"I know I'm wrong. I know what the Bible says, and I know I'm wrong, but how do I not feel what I feel?" These are the words I said to Bonnie at the start of our first counseling session at least two years ago. I found myself saying them again just yesterday. In some… Continue reading Full Circle
I was asked, very kindly, what is going on with me. To my surprise, I had difficulty putting it into words. So pondering began and after serious thought, I have a list. However, contemplating and sorting my feelings doesn't seem enough. Maybe a positive for every negative? Since this blog is my platform for working… Continue reading What’s the Matter?
Hehe. It's not funny, but for some reason the commercials make me laugh. In all seriousness, I titled the post this way because I have fallen, and I am struggling to get up. But here's the thing. Yes, I'm in a valley, but my faith isn't. Not once, that I can remember anyway, have I… Continue reading I’ve fallen and I Can’t Get Up
Posts have been started multiple times; the trash can icon ends their lives. I got nothin'. Joyful things happenin' all around; they leap beyond my reach never settlin' down. I got nothin'. Head rested on a soft pillow; warmth surrounds from being swaddled; eyes closed; mind at rest; fallin' into nothingness. I want nothin'.
Counseling is an amazing thing. I've learned so much about myself; things I had never even thought to wonder about. But, it explains so much! A couple of weeks ago, Bonnie, my counselor, described my reaction to a family disagreement as self destructive. It goes something like this... 1) I get frustrated about something. 2)… Continue reading Self Destructive